SPOOFWORLD Stitch up your mates! visit www.spoofworld.co.uk coming soon JULY 2006.

Going on a date? Some advice and information for the single man.


1. Girls enjoy always having something kind of wrong, like a headache or cramping or something. Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she’s going to outlive you.

2. If you have something to hide, she’ll find it.

3. The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win.

4. An online dating service’s survey found that a woman’s ideal man has brown hair and blue eyes.

5. Women often cite manhandling of breasts as the biggest foreplay turn off. So leave the breasts alone, especially on the first date.

6. It never hurts to say you're sorry, even if you don't mean it.

7. Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives.

8. Don't take a woman to a concert you really want to see—she'll just want to leave early.

9. She hates your Xbox more than she lets on. Blow her off for some gaming and she’ll soon stop wasting time on a dork like you.

10. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions, just listen and nod, that's it.